Lucky

Sometimes I feel like I might be stranger than most people because I think about morbid things like death or loss a little too much. I don't know if you're like this too, but sometimes in a super happy moment or time I'll think about how it won't always be like this and how things always won't be so good. Weird, right? It's only for a second though, but in a way I think it almost helps me really enjoy those good times because I'm hyper-aware of them happening. Sometimes I'll start thinking about this with my parents and it brings me to tears. I recently lost my Grandma and it's bizarre to think about one day losing my own parents. It feels weird to even vocalize this kind of thing here, but it was on my mind as I've spent the past few days with my sweet mama and enjoyed every second of it. I love her SO much, so so much. I can't imagine my world without her, and I can't even begin to think about losing my Mom, like my Dad did a few months ago. So I keep focusing on the now, on the little moments I have with my parents. I take it all in. The way my Mom always seems to have a piece of dark chocolate in her hand anytime after 8pm, how my Dad will always wash my car on a sunny Sunday afternoon. I relish in the hugs and kisses my Mom gives me, even when I pretend to hate it, like my 16-year old self. I love my Dad's tough shell but sweet, sweet heart and my Mom's constant sunshine. I pay attention to the small details, the "make sure you call us when you get home," the "be safe" my Dad always has to say as his last words as we pull out of their driveway, and the way Henry runs to my Mom, arms outstretched, "up up up!"  I take in every single little bit I can, because I know one day it won't be like this. And maybe I'm really weird for having these thoughts, but in a way I'm grateful for them because they remind me to be in the now, and to really pay attention. I never want to take a moment of it for granted.

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Hourglass

Time is a funny thing. It's a theme in my life, if not the governing force. I think about it often. It makes me sad (it's going by too quickly), and it makes me immeasurably happy (another day to spend with my loves). I'm obsessed with it, in a way. I write about it all the time- I often think I have too much of a hold on the olden, golden days. I often think about the fact that I loved my childhood so much that it makes me want to cry knowing it's gone. But then I look at my little darling boy and know that I get to do it again, and make it even better for him.

I think back to when Henry was a baby, the tiniest thing, all nestled in my arms. I remember waking up, and up again, throughout the night. Groundhog Day, repeat, repeat. There were times where I was so tired that I wasn't sure if I would even make it to the morning (dramatic as always), and there were times where I wanted someone, anyone to help me because I felt lost trying to figure out this new job with no handbook or trainer or anyone to say "here, let me show you." But because of my obsession with time and thinking about that little hourglass' sand drop-drop-dropping away in the back of my mind I know those hard nights were to be savored.  Even the worst times, when we didn't know why he was crying, if he would ever stop, the nights where we would take turns pacing with our little man in our arms, crying, inconsolable...those were also the best times. While we were right smack dab in the middle of it I can distinctly remember thinking that this would never, ever happen again. It was depressing and beautiful and real, and knowing that there was such an expiration date on all of it made my heart ache from both loss' anticipation but also because there was so much more goodness to come.

Parenthood is funny like that. It's all too easy to spend your time feeling frustrated with the state you're in, only to miss it when it's gone. What I know for sure is that I don't want to wake up and have my little love all grown up, wondering where it all went. So I will keep being obsessed with the time I have, I will continue to keep my finger on the pulse of this hourglass, I will keep feeling like every single stage is the best part of it all. I will be in the very moment I'm in. Wailing Henry, crying Henry, smiling Henry, little baby, little crawler, little toddler. And when those hard times come, as all hard times inevitable do, I will always remember to whisper to myself, "this is it, this is life." And enjoy, enjoy, enjoy.

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Thoughts On Change

I don't know what it is, but lately I've been in the most introspective, analytical mood ever.  Maybe it's because Henry just turned one in November, maybe it's because these are the last months before I hit the big 3-0, who knows...but I've been thinking a lot about the past few years and everything I've learned. 2011 was such a year of growth- obviously having a child is a huge part of that- but I think it goes beyond just becoming a Mom.

The other night before bed I spent an hour or so reading back through the archives here.  Even though this blog is only a few years old, reading some of my earlier entries made me laugh (and cringe). I sounded so naive, so idealistic...and I think this past year has really carried me into a place of reality, with myself and with others. I think for a long time I was still figuring out who I was- and really, do we ever know? As expected I'm still learning something new everyday, but I definitely know the kind of person I want to be- and more than anything that person is positive, loving, and kind in all situations. It's simple really- I want to be my best self, and I want to surround myself with positive people who are also working towards the same.

I've had so many long discussions with Hank about the intricacies of personality; about how we have these things ingrained in us that are so difficult to change. Possible, yes. But often very hard. As far as me, I have things I am always working on. Take a positive attitude for example: some days it comes naturally, but other days it's a decision, and some days I don't really even want to expend the energy to get there. Is that weird? It's like I know I'm in a bad mood and it's a simple fix, but I just continue to go along in my negativity rather than change. I'll be fully aware of it but yet do nothing to shift it. It's interesting to me, to be totally self-aware but yet still not be able to change exactly when you'd like to. I know change comes gradually through repeated effort to get there, but it's still interesting to think about how amazing the human mind is, both in its willingness to change and stubbornness not to.

What works for me is looking at life on a day by day basis. I'm a huge big-picture thinker and I'm always dreaming of the future, but when I know I need to work on something it's important for me to stay grounded and focused on the now. Cutting out sugar was hard in the beginning, but I took it day by day and all of a sudden I find myself finishing up a month of sugar-free living, and I feel proud of this accomplishment. So right now I'm just taking each day for what it is, a chance to be the best person, wife, and mother I can be; a daily chance to achieve small goals that eventually work into the bigger picture. I know that if yesterday I found myself in a negative place, today I can change my attitude and be kinder to myself and those around me. I know that if I get into a disagreement, if I didn't make good food choices, if I was more lazy than productive, then right now I can do it differently. And doing this day after day, making small decisions to be better, leads to positivity being a part of the majority of your days. Then weeks. Then months...

Most of all I'm trying to be kinder to myself. I'm a perfectionist by nature but I'm learning that nothing will ever work out to be exactly how I planned or pictured. And that's okay. I'm not a fortune-teller, so any firm expectation I have in my mind will never be met, because it's impossible to see what lies ahead. All I can do is keep working on little things everyday, accepting myself, and moving positively forward. It's exciting really, seeing changes, and totally satisfying to take a step back and know that you are in fact accomplishing goals you've set out for yourself, no matter how long it takes.

So with that said, is there anything you find yourself working on, on a daily basis? Do you have anything about yourself you want or need to change but have a hard time doing so? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Thanks for reading. xoxo

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Now and Then

2002 and 2011

The other day I was reading back in my Livejournal and I came across an entry from 2008. I scrolled down through the comments and noticed that my best friend Sarah and I had had a little conversation right there about "fixing" our friendship.  It struck me as notable, because this was the summer after I had gotten married. I remember pretty vividly not being in each other's lives very much during that time, but reading through our exchange there on that old website brought back all of the details I had somehow forgotten.

Sarah and I had gone to the same high school but didn't actually know each other over those four years. It wasn't until my sophomore year in college that we met via a mutual friend, who just so happened to be her then-boyfriend. He invited me over to hang out with their group of friends one night, and I still remember meeting Sarah for the very first time. She was this tiny little thing- part ballerina, part huge light-up-the-room smile, and her positive energy and excitement for life was contagious. We had an instant "oh my god I love you!" friendship connection. We spent hours and hours talking, and from that moment on we were inseparable. We did everything together- sleepovers, shopping, long nights out dancing, saw each other through tears and heartache, and later when she broke up with that boyfriend, we dated two new boys that happened to be friends too.

But then things changed and somehow we drifted apart. There were never hard feelings, but she got into a serious relationship at the same time I moved in with another group of friends, and we fell out of our norm. It would have been impossible to keep our friendship going at the same intensity- as life changes relationships change too. And although we understood this, we let what could have been a shift turn into a total end. Maybe it was the excitement of the new loves in our lives, maybe it was simple laziness, but soon enough our girly sleepovers were replaced with overnights with our significant others and our all night chat fests were interrupted by date nights. And even though we both got this shift- we each were so happy in these new lives- we didn't put the effort in with each other, we assumed we'd always be there, and consequently our friendship failed.

For years we didn't talk much. I thought about reaching out all of the time, and later I found out that she did too. It hurt a lot, losing someone I considered to be one of my closest friends, but I was never angry. I fully understood, but it was still sad. Time went by, and soon I was engaged to Hank. Sarah and her now-husband Andy came to the wedding and I still remember them being some of the last people there to see us off at the end of the night. I missed her so badly, and I still remember feeling sad she wasn't up there with me as a bridesmaid.

Over those next few months though we started talking more. We got back in touch, and we made plans to meet for lunch at Pita Jungle one summer day. I remember sitting in my car beforehand feeling so anxious- I felt as if so much had changed. What if we were totally different people? What if we didn't get along anymore? What if lunch was terribly awkward? What if, what if? But lunch came and went, and it was absolutely wonderful. It felt as if no time had passed- we laughed, we cried, then we laughed some more. She was still the same friend I'd always known. Yes, everything was different, we were different, but at our cores we were the same silly, fun-loving girls we'd always been. Our friendship had just taken a little break.

That fall we got back to being close. We spent weekends together, having sleepovers and crazy nights out. And for the next three years we continually put in the effort. It's weird though, to think back to that time we weren't in each others' lives. And even weirder was to stumble upon that aforementioned Livejournal comment, where Sarah talks about how sad it is that we aren't friends but that if it mattered, it was up to us to make the effort. "You take people for granted when you think they'll always be there and then POOF! one day they aren't and they've moved on..." It's remarkable to me to be able to see the turning point in our friendship- to see the moment when we both decide to move forward and start anew. I feel so grateful that we did decide to put forth effort, and at the same time it's horrible to think about us not doing that. I can't imagine my life without her.

I feel lucky to call quite a few amazing women my friends. Many of my closest friends don't live near by- one is off at college, another lives two hours south- but in each of these relationships, effort is so important. I might not talk to them everyday, and some not every week, but at the root of it, we know that we are there for each other. We keep it going. I am incredibly guilty of getting so wrapped up in my own life that I fail at holding up my end of the the friendship, but I consciously work at it and as I've gotten older I've gotten a little better at it. It can be hard, but what it comes down to is this: a connection is a connection, and in this life we meet so few people we genuinely click with that it would be a shame to not to put forth the effort to have that person in your life.

I thought of this as I stood up at Sarah's wedding this fall, as her Matron of Honor. I thought about how far we had come, abut how we almost lost such an important part of our lives. It's a true lesson in the power of action and just following through with the things that are in your heart. So often we think things like "I miss this person," or "I wish they were still in my life." Friendships and people can at times come and go as life changes, but I wonder if any of you have someone that you miss too. An old friend you fell our of touch with, a disagreement over something silly that you can't even remember now. Maybe you didn't put in effort, felt guilty, then avoided the situation. I've been there. Cheesy as it sounds, if any of this resonated with you, I encourage you to just make a call, send an email, and let that friend know you're thinking of them. I think about Sarah and how were went from years of not talking to spending a night like we did tonight, sitting on my old bed at my parents', giggling and tearing up while watching her wedding video. It's hard to move forward sometimes, but in the end I feel that if you have the desire to make the effort then you truly have nothing to lose. Because honestly, why not?

Thanks for reading. I hope you have the best night. :)
xo

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Best of 100: Some quick thoughts about blogging.

Earlier today I was going through some of our photos, trying to decide which ones I wanted to print, when I stopped on this one. Everything in this picture makes me laugh. Henry's frustration in the monster costume's head piece is obvious, but beyond the cute "he's going to just looove this photo when he's older," there's a bit more here that got my wheels turning.

I started thinking about blogging. And how I might take 100 photos, but I'll post 20 here. And guess what? Those 20 photos are the best of the bunch. If we're talking about this past Halloween we probably tried for a good 10 minutes to get Henry to keep his hat on long enough so we could capture the image of him dressed up for his first trick-or-treat. If I wanted to I could have posted 20 photos of our squirmy little costume-hating boy, arching his back and just not having it, but that wouldn't be pretty to look at would it? So I put up the good ones, where we got a slight smile and we're all looking at the camera.

And isn't that kind of blogging in a nutshell for most people?  Putting your best self forward. And adding to the idea of taking 100 photos and choosing the best, there might be 100 moments in a day that I could blog about. I'm going to choose just a few and leave the rest. In my world, on my blog, I choose the positive. I choose to share the happy moments, and although I try to touch on random things here or there, even if I was in the worst mood, was a total brat to my husband, or just felt totally sad all day, I won't usually get into it. But it still exists. And I think as a reader (and writer) of blogs it's important to remember this. It's so easy to get caught up in the very attractive world that's put out there. Many years ago when I was just starting out in the whole online thing I can remember feeling those very unwelcome pangs of not measuring up when I'd take a peek at so many other sites or blogs that portrayed a "perfect" life. Although I was so happy in what I was doing, there always seemed to be someone else doing something so much cooler. As I got older and wiser though I realized that yes, of course there is. There always will be. The key to happiness to be happy with you. And if you're not, be inspired and change it. Getting lost in wishing your life was like someone else's is the biggest waste of time there is, and just feeds into that negative mindset. Blogs have the potential to play a huge role in that because essentially these sites are just little windows into other peoples' lives. You just need to choose with what perspective you're viewing from.

I think at times that because I am a happy person that really, really thrives on positivity, this blog often reflects only that. I try and be 110% me at all times here, as authentic as I can get (without throwing in some curse words), but still, this space is only a small part of me and my days. I try and remember that same thing when I am reading other blogs too, and I think it's an important thing to keep in in the back of your mind as you both read and write. 

That's all. I wasn't even going to blog again tonight but I was working on a project for another site and got sidetracked looking at photos, then started thinking, and now, here we are. :)

xoxo

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Finding your place- tips for new bloggers.

 

source

I get emails almost everyday asking for tips on blogging, how to start blogging, ways to grow readership, etc., so I thought I would take a few of these questions and post about them every so often.

The first thing you need to know about me and this blog is that I never, ever intended for it to grow as it did. I started out with four or five readers just a few years ago, and it just grew and grew as I invested more time into it.  By nature I am a writer; most of my readers know this, but my undergrad degree was in English Literature and my Master's is in English Education. I taught high school English for close to six years before stepping away to become a full-time stay at home Mom, but even so, reading and writing are still a huge part of my life and I end each day doing one or the other.

For me, my blog is my creative outlet. I enjoy having a space to write in everyday, and the fact that people want to read it is just a really fun bonus. As time has gone on of course having readers changes the shape of blogging a little- if this blog really was just for me I definitely wouldn't have giveaways or link posts- but they're fun. And giveaways are my way of saying "thank you" to my readers and offer them a chance to win something awesome that I've either used before or can totally endorse.

But when it comes down to it, this blog is still about me. I post about my life, stories from my past and present, hopes for my future, things I love, etc. I try and stay true to that. It's hard to not get caught up in the competition aspect of blogging; so-and-so has this many more hits a month, this many readers, so on and so forth. But the moment I feel that way I yank myself right out of that mentality because at the root of it, it's ridiculous. How on earth could I compare my blog to someone else's? This is about my life and that's where it is unique. I am me, and you are you. Comparing it to another is like apples and oranges (see my post on "blog-petition" here). So I step back, I remind myself of my reasons for doing this, and get back to the basics.  I want to enjoy this space and feel like I am creating something tangible from all of our little moments, putting something out there, and using my brain on a daily basis. I don't want this to be a negative place by my own creation.

It's taken me a few years to get to this point though. And I still get those feelings every so often of not measuring up. Although I'm still not sure who or what exactly I'm measuring up to- I think at times in anything creative it's possible construct this ruler in our minds that we hold ourselves to. It's silly though, because if you're blogging for you, the rest of it should just fall to the side. Luckily now I know that this disenchantment I feel is only a passing mood and if I just get back to what's important and take some time to work on a personal post or something from my heart...I feel a-okay. Because like I said above, that's the reason I do this.

With all of that said, here are a few tips for new bloggers. I'm by no means an expert, but I think some of you may find this helpful and at the lease it's a good reminder for myself!

1. Blog to blog.

Such simple advice but so important.  When people ask me how to "grow" their blog, I usually don't know what to tell them outside of this. I feel like when you start a blog and try and gain readers and followers and what ever else, that is so obvious to other people. And don't get me wrong, there is a time and place for doing that...but to me, that isn't considered a blog, it's considered a business. In my case, my blog became a business in a way when I started accepting sponsors, but that was only after I had many readers, and at the root of it I am still doing what I love 100%. The sponsors are an added bonus and make me feel so lucky every day that I am able to make money doing what I love. I do believe that if I would have gone into this trying to get to the point of having ads, trying to make money...I would have failed. But instead it took me a few years, writing and writing everyday, meeting other people, putting myself out there...and it happened very naturally.  I blogged to blog. So that is my best advice to new bloggers. Just keep doing what you're doing, and keep your purpose at the front of your mind, be it a creative outlet, meeting new people, or finding a community you feel a part of.

2. Don't get discouraged.

This follows along with number one. So great, you're blogging to blog. But no one's reading it. You feel like you're putting yourself out there, creating these awesome posts, but all you hear are crickets. Oh gosh. Let me tell you- I know how rough it can feel to try at something (and try and try again) and to feel like you're just staying in the same place.  And in blogging I think it's so much easier to be really aware of this because it's simple to look and see a lack of comments or numbers or readers. But seriously, do not give up if it's something you really love doing. None of that stuff is important and everyone has to start somewhere. When you feel discouraged, remember that there is always at least one person who is reading what you have to say, valuing you, and enjoying it. The more you interact with others, the more you will be able to meet people who "get" you, and get what your blog is all about. And if you are just blogging to blog, that will radiate out. Like attracts like, so if you put it out there, you're bound to meet others on the same wavelength.

3. Find your place.

Everyone has something they love, something they excel at, something that makes them really happy. The best part about blogging is that you are able to put it out into the world and make friends with like-minded folks. There are all sorts of blogs from fashion to lifestyle to mommy blogs, cooking blogs to religion-based blogs.  And this isn't to say that you need to choose an identity and stick to it, in a blogging-tunnel vision sort of way. By "finding your place" I mean finding what works for you.  Sometimes Sweet is considered a lifestyle blog, and I like that, because I like to post about anything and everything that I want. I've tried out all sorts of posts, and when I feel like I'm most me is through posts like this, my Journal Day posts, or my random posts about my day.  I feel proud of the posts where I've written something I can stand behind. Posts I hate doing? Fashion posts, outfit posts, etc. I tried (and tried again) to get into them, but I feel no joy putting on an outfit and taking photos of it. For some people, this is what makes them happy and it's totally a part of what makes their blog theirs'. But for me, no. Figuring this out was an important part of figuring out my blog's identity. I tried for awhile to get into it, accepted clothing from companies and sponsors, but found myself getting incredibly stressed out and pressured to blog about these items. I felt like it wasn't me. This past year I stopped doing things I didn't enjoy or felt that pressure to do. I took a long look at my blog and decided what direction I wanted it to go into, and then did that. For me that means things like Journal Day, more daily posts, and enjoying going out and taking quality photos when I can. If you are having trouble figuring it out what exactly you want out of your blog, try giving yourself a schedule, and try out all different types of posts. Maybe Monday do a music post, Tuesday, inspiration. Wednesday an outfit post, Thursday talk about something important to you. So on and so forth. By the end of a couple of weeks you will have figured out what works for you, and what doesn't. Or maybe it ALL works for you, which would be awesome too.

Overall, remember that whenever you are creating something original and putting it out into the world it is truly perfect, because you created it. And when you are being your 100% true, authentic self, nothing is more attractive. I promise that if you keep doing what you're doing, eventually you will find yourself surrounded by like-minded people.

But one last thought before I go...and this one is the most important of ALL...

4. Remember that a blog is just that, a BLOG.

It's so easy to get sucked into this crazy, social media-fueled internet world. If you wanted to you could spend hours reading blogs, commenting, writing, going back and forth, clicking and clicking and clicking on link after link. Things might start to seem more important than they are, you might get caught up in feeling sad about comments or numbers or readers, like I mentioned above. But guess what? Real life out there, that's what's important. All of this stuff is actually really silly. And that's not to downplay everything I said up there, because hello, I LOVE blogging and it does hold importance in my life. But to me, this space here is supposed to be a little supplement to my world. An add-on. Something that brings me joy, a hobby, a way to put a little bit of my creativity out there. So if you feel crappy more than happy (total unintentional rhyme) about this whole thing, than take a step back and ask yourself why it really matters anyway. Because it doesn't.

Happy blogging! xo

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Thank you to all of the bad times.

[photo credit unknown- please link me if you know]

Man oh man. Could a piece of paper be more on point? I love it, and really enjoy this simple reminder to be in the present- to be in the now. It's far too easy to think your ship is off course; to begin to believe that missteps or bad choices you've made have ruined things, slowed you down, or stopped progress all together. But really, it's all part of a huge, open-ended journey. There have been so many things in my past that I've felt regretful about. And sure, "no regrets" is a great mantra, but in reality it's hard to look at things you view negatively in such a flippant light. If you get down to the nitty-gritty of it though, here you are now. Right here. And you wouldn't be right here without that, that, or even that. As for me, I like where I am. In fact, I love it. So in a strange way, I thank all of those bad times, the sad ones too, for being a part of this trip. Thank you, boy who broke my heart, way back when.  You somehow made me realize that good guys really are the best guys. That jerks aren't worth my time, and if I don't value myself, no one will. Thank you, ex-friend who ruined so many good memories, thank you for indirectly pointing out that you really are the company you keep. Thank you bad choices, who peppered high school with then-excitement, now-cringe-worthy moments. I appreciate all of those naive choices, wild adventures and crazy times. I'm so grateful for the boys I've dated, the people I've met, tears, anger, sadness, stress, all of it. It's all a huge part of this tapestry I've been weaving. Piece by piece. Step by step. It's a ladder, a map, a road, a path. I don't even know where it's going, but I've come to realize that cursing the past only tarnishes the future. It discounts all the work you've done to get where you are. Accepting that all of it has brought you here, to this place...that is priceless. So today when I found myself reading that quote up there I was filled with a deep happiness. I felt joyful. For a long time now I've loved where I am, and I've loved the path I'm on, and today I was reminded of just how important that is. And perhaps you'll enjoy the reminder, too. Love you all!

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a thank you

I wanted to take a quick moment and say thank you to all of you for all of your sweet comments on my last post. Recently I've had a bit of a hard time blogging in this space. My readership has a grown a lot from the five readers I started with, and at times I struggle with not wanting to post personal things here due to thinking about so many people reading what I have to say. There will always be a line for me as far as over-sharing or taking away a special moment's "special-ness" by putting them here, but when it comes down to it, I love blogging and I love writing, and being able to share my thoughts and words with all of you is such an amazing gift. Recently though I've thought a lot about what this blog and what it means to me - why I continue to do it, why I have sponsors/if accepting money is discounting the value of what I produce here, if this is something that could endanger my family in any way, and often those thoughts can become quite discouraging. While on my extended vacation I didn't blog for an entire three weeks. I honestly enjoyed it, but also missed it. I thought about all the reasons I love blogging, and the reasons I don't. I thought about how, no matter how long I do this, on some days I enjoy sharing, and other days I feel like I'm making a mistake putting myself out there in such an extended way. Back and forth. It's weird. But the interesting thing about blogging to an audience of this size is that all of you are along for the ride. I have gotten such support for each of you in the different stages of my life, from being a newlywed to teaching to pregnancy to motherhood...and I appreciate all of that more than you could know.

When I started writing this post, I was just writing to write, and writing to express my gratitude. Somehow I ended up discussing something that's been on my mind for awhile, and it feels good to start to make some sense of it. I'm such a thinker by nature and writing is the best thing for me because it allows me to organize all of this, even a little. My main point (it's somewhere in here, I promise!) is still a huge thank you to all of you for reading. I'm definitely not going anywhere. If anything, this weird little bump in my blogging road has really refocused me and reminded me why I do this and what I should be getting out of it.

Sometimes I think as a blog gets bigger we allow the audience to take on the role of navigator- giving us directions, telling us where to go, all while keeping ourselves under the guise of driver and being in charge. Something is lost there. Continuing this space for me, and for Henry and Hank is the most important thing to me. Being able to write and feel as if I am contributing something here gives me a greater sense of identity, outside of a wife and mother. It's truly my outlet.

So moving forward, I'm going to cut myself some slack. This is my reminder to myself to have fun with it, stop anything on this blog that causes me stress, and just get back to the basics. Write. Share things and people and businesses I love, and create a warm space that encourages discussion and creativity.

So yes, my point: thank you. You are all a part of my life through this little corner of the internet, and I just want you to know how much I appreciate you, your comments, and your emails. I feel truly lucky to be able to reach out to so many of you via this site, and above all else I treasure that the most. I hope you have the best day. :)

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"Blog-petition" (and 3 ways to avoid it)

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The other week I wrote about "Mom-petition" on HelloGiggles...and while I was doing so, I started to draft a post here about a different kind of competition - one that may be a little closer to home to many of you...blog-petition. Yes, that's right, I just made up a word! Blog + competition = you guessed it, blog-petition.

Being involved in the blog world is an interesting thing- you're surrounded by people who come from all walks of life. There are chefs and writers, there are designers and crafters. Mommy blogs and pregnancy blogs. Photography aficionados and incredible videographers. There's inspiration around every corner, and sometimes it can be hard to watch all of these amazing people do such amazing things, without feeling like you need to "keep up."

When I first starting blogging I felt that way. Everywhere I looked there was someone else doing something better, wearing something prettier, and documenting it in such a way that it was easy to feel like I would never be able to compare.  But as I matured a bit, and my blog matured, I realized that by turning blogging into a competition, I was only taking away from myself and my own blog.  And sure, competition is healthy (and really great in other arenas), but in a world where I was just trying to find my place and share a bit about my own life, it was completely self-defeating to have these negative thoughts swirling around my head.  I was blogging for me, so why did I feel like I couldn't keep up?  Where was this imaginary measuring stick that I had already determined was way over my head?

And so I decided to just do it for me.  I kept blogging, kept sharing bits of my world, and because my story is indeed unique to my world, there was no competition.  Just as there is only one you, there is just one me...and because we are all so different, each of us our own person, our own voice and perspective, there is no need to compete when you are being your 100% true, authentic self.  And so here are three things that have helped me avoid being "blog-petitive," and maybe they will help you too.


1) Being your 100% authentic self will free you from the need to compete with others.  When you are being you, the real you, the you that doesn't worry about what others think, the you that just creates and produces because it comes from your heart, your mind, wherever, there is no competition. On this blog I share my daily life, my writing, and interesting features from folks all around the world. Sure, as a whole someone could look at my blog and want to compete with me to be the "better" blog, but really, at the root, how is that competition even possible? My life is my life. This other fictitious person cannot have their own Hank, their own Henry, the same Tattoo Tuesday or all of my personal stories and writings- they can't do this because my life and experiences are unique to me. So comparing the things I do and create with the things someone else does makes no sense. Sure, you can say that some other blog is more interesting than that blog, the writing is better, their significant other seems sweeter, or whatever, but when it comes down to it, it's apples and oranges. I am me, and you are you. Thinking about blogging this way has really made me appreciate every individual and their corners of the internet for their own unique qualities, and has allowed me to really figure out what my little corner is all about too.


2) Realize that there is no finish line. There really isn't. There is no one that will one day say to you, "You have written the very best blog in the entire world! You win!" Nope. Not gonna happen. But what there is, is you! There's a feeling after you produce a really awesome post- there's some pride in there, an excitement about sharing it- and that's the feeling you should strive for. Every time you post something that you love, you've measured up, because you are the only one who sees this imaginary measuring stick to begin with.


3) Know and appreciate your own strengths. We have our strengths, and we all have our weaknesses. My strength lies in writing, where as I'm certainly not the best when it comes to fashion posts and I'm definitely not that good at making my posts exceptionally pretty.  Many of my blog friends are extremely great at these things though, but I don't look at them and wish with all of my heart that I could be as fashionable as so-and-so, have such a great eye for design like whats-her-name, or wish I was able to take photos like you-know-who.  Instead I look at what I am good at and appreciate those qualities, then look at my talented friends and learn from them, and get inspired to improve in areas I feel like I would like to learn more about.

In the end, it's all about supporting rather than competing. Lifting each other up instead of fighting to get ahead. Getting inspired rather than intimidated. Comparing yourself to everyone else is a losing battle because there will always be someone smarter, prettier, seemingly happier than you. Turning a positive, fun thing into a competition takes away from the sense of self in each person's space. Find inspiration and motivation out there, but then focus on yourself and what you are creating, and I promise you will find a lot more happiness and value in this blogging community.

Happy blogging!

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Unplugging...

So picture this: it's a beautiful Sunday afternoon, you're out on a mid-day drive with your husband and your darling baby boy, the sun is shining through the trees, the perfect song comes on the radio...and the first thought that pops into your head is, "I need to tweet this."

Ugh. Really? Yes, really...if you're me. Embarrassing, right? This past weekend I had a realization that for how much I love my life, at times I don't put the "living" part first. I've talked about this before, but I didn't realize how much "tweeting" has become a part of my day to day until I decided to take a break from it.  For the past two days I've restricted my internet use a bit, outside of blogging and sharing links to posts.

I left my iPhone behind while I nursed Henry.

I used my iPod shuffle rather than my phone as I worked out.

I didn't tweet every twitter-worthy thought that popped into my head.

I resisted the urge to share photos all day long via Instagram.

And you know what? I enjoyed it. I spent thirty minutes last night, rocking my baby boy to sleep, not trying to catch up on emails, reply to messages and multi-task while I fed Henry. I held him close, spent that uninterrupted time just thinking, noticing, relaxing. I zoned out at the gym, and in turn had a wonderful workout and was able to really focus on strengthening my body and clearing my head.  I didn't find myself trying to "catch up" with my Twitter friends, or stay in the loop whenever I had a free minute. I was in the moment, rather than trying to capture the moment.

Now, I am definitely a fan of social networking, but (admittedly, embarrassingly), lately I've allowed myself to become too immersed in that world. It's always been a part of my life, and it is absolutely a large part of blogging, but as I reevaluate the purpose of "extras" that surround me, I find myself realizing that I am wasting precious, precious time over-sharing. I have the blogging part down pat- I manage this quite wonderfully and balance it well, but it's all the "other" sites that are just too much. I typically only use the internet while Henry is napping or asleep at night, but during this past two days I replaced all of that "free" time with reading good old-fashioned books, and I am so much happier. This is not to say I am going to quit any of my beloved sites. Truth be told, I adore Twitter, and especially Instagram, and I absolutely love the friends that I keep in touch with via those sites. However, moderation is key. I became aware of just how much I need that moderation when I held back from tweeting and various things popped into my head throughout the day that I had the "urge" to share. It's almost humorous (a bit sad, too!) if I was to list it all out, but for my own sake I'll keep all of those thoughts to myself. It makes me think though, what did I do with these thoughts before I had the gateway to funnel them out to a few thousand people? If I remember correctly, I kept them to myself (wow, what a notion!) or called Hank or a friend. One on one. Personal.

I guess my point is that I found myself enjoying life a lot more when I took a step back. I want to look at a beautiful flower and not think about taking a photo to upload to Twitter. If anything, I want to snap a photo and send it to my husband, and let him know how beautiful it was.

So, that's where I'm at. Still loving staying connected, still loving all of this glorious technology, but keeping it all in perspective. Using those sites to enhance my life, not become my life. Add to, not define. Being internet-savvy in this modern world has it's perks, but with that comes a responsibility to myself and my family to make sure I preserve the simple things in life, and keep myself in check.

Can any of you relate to this? I'd love to hear your perspective.

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Dashboard

 

This past Thursday Hank and I went to see an old favorite of ours, Dashboard Confessional.  It was the Swiss Army Romance's 10-year Anniversary tour, and Chris played the entire album from beginning to end, along with other favorites. I saw this same show, ten years prior, upon the original record's release, and it was incredibly moving to think back to that time in my life, and then think of where I am now. I was 18; so wonderfully naive, so young, so unsure of what life had in store for me. I had just graduated high school and was about to embark on my college adventures, moving up to the dorms to start that chapter of my life. Back then I related to those emotional Dashboard songs on so many levels, and hearing them again live brought back so many memories, emotions, and things I had forgotten and tucked away over the years.  I met Hank seven years ago, and because we were in a long distance relationship for that first year, and he was on tour with his band so frequently, so many of DC's songs rang true yet again during that time period. I can still remember driving up to visit Hank for the very first time, getting butterflies in my stomach as Hands Down played on the stereo. Music and emotion are powerful things when combined, and throughout the entire show last week I found myself tearing up a bit.  How was I to know, on that long drive up the mountain, that I was going to visit my future husband? The song then, and the song now. Me then, and me now. Us then, us now. It made me feel so happy, my heart so full, to think about the then and now, and to be able to remember a time before all of this, to remember the very beginning. And as the music drifted across the Marquee Theater, I closed my eyes for just a second, and I was in my car again, driving straight into my future.

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